Yeah, that says “gaining” not “losing” I know, it’s a crazy idea! If you try to Google “healthy dieting” or “gain weight” you normally get results for bodybuilding, or healthy diets to lose weight, and the topic of gaining is rarely covered, but it’s something I need to do. I weight fifty kilos. Yes, that’s right fifty, I teeter from forty nine to fifty, and that is my only fluctuation, I have never exceeded fifty in my entire life. This can be a bit of a shock to some. All I really know on the matter so far is I am classed as undeweight due to my BMI. I always have been but no one ever really told me to take any serious action against it. One doctor would always tell me that I needed to gain a bit, and should get around to it, but other than that, it never really came up often.

I am in no way shape or form, anorexic. I have no eating disorder of any kind, I just eat poorly, I eat a lot of food, but just the wrong food. I was raised on good, healthy food, and fizzy drinks were a sometimes treat, in all other respects I was healthy, but I was so light that I couldn’t even hold the cinema seat down with my weight, so it would fold up with me in it. As I grew, I realised I could eat whatever I wanted without changing even slightly, so I did. This eventually developed into half a pack of cookies for breakfast, Red Rooster for lunch (normally some artificial chicken strips and chips, or a wrap with some tomato, cheese and lettuce and the aforementioned artifical chicken) and a box of pizza shapes for a snack, not to mention the three or four cans (and sometimes even a 600ml bottle) of Coke Zero inbetween all of that. Maybe a 600ml bottle of water, at the best of times,  is also included. I knew I had a problem when I stopped posting in a “what i ate today” thread on a forum that I frequent, because I was so ashamed of my diet and couldn’t even show my friends what I had eaten. Working in a desk job has that benefit for me, because no one ever really sees what I eat, a few friends know me as a Coke Zero addict, and I have a reputation for being a Maccas fiend as well, but I can gorge on bad stuff at my desk and people don’t really see all of it.

I rarely read the nutrition information on food packaging, but I have started and today I learnt that a recommended serving of my favourite chocolate chip cookies is two biscuits (21g). I can’t even begin to imagine stopping at two biscuits. I can finish a whole pack and then crack open a bag of chips afterwards. I am constantly hungry and always need to be chewing something, I can’t be without a snack, ever. I understand that eating healthy will probably eliminate a lot of the hunger cause i’m eating things that my body can actually USE, and when I do eat something healthy, I do feel satisfied for longer, but I also have to fight that vice like grip of deliciousness…and cravings. Oh, my cravings for food are intense! I do enjoy healthy foods, I think they taste great, a lot better than some soggy hot chips and sweet and sour sauce, but the matter of the fact is one is a lot more convienient than the other. I go home to a house with nothing but some tomatoes, old, black bananas and bread and I know that rather than make a tomato sandwich and peek inside a banana, I am going to go and get some chips. In the mornings, I grab some cans of Coke and am so tired and out of it I need to focus solely on dressing and preparing to face the outside world. I need to break free of this, and maybe even begin to shop for real foods, instead of taking the non perishable route and grabbing boxes I can take to work and leave in a drawer for emergencies.  I travel by train to work so this deters me from making lunches or bringing things that need to be cooked or stored in the fridge, because I wonder if they will last the trip, and don’t really know the limits of foods, and all there is to  know about storing them. Spring is amongst us, and our summers are exceptionally scorching here in Melbourne, so I don’t know what I will do for those, in particular. If I worked near a supermarket, i’d be better, I think, cause i’d buy what I needed for the day and then take it straight back to work and prepare or eat. But, the suburb we are currently in has nothing but  a…yeah, you guessed it, Red Rooster… oh! …and a liquor shop.

My day zero list will eventually contain actionable goals I can use to move forward in this subject, for now I need to figure out how I will measure them, what to focus on first and how to feel good about small changes when I always demand perfection and 100% change instantly (which normally leads to failure, understandably).

I figured i’d list a few reasons that this has come about, just so I can refer to them later when I think it’s all pointless and want to just not bother bringing any lunch to work. Again.

Everything I eat shows up in my skin, as a kid I had amazing skin, but after my teens, it became a disaster…congested, blotchy, a combination of oily and dry…with a few random pimples. I aim to eat better, or at least up the water intake, to see if that helps me out.

Cost is also a serious issue, I save a lot of money and feel very accomplished by this but I spend a lot on food…a lot. Today, I spent $9.45 on a small meal at Red Rooster. Nine forty five…on a small meal, which compromises of three chicken strips, a small chips and water. The water tilted the price up because it’s seventy cents extra for water, just cause I got a 600ml bottle over the kiddy pop top which was probably about 200ml. I am also the type of woman to complain about buying a six dollar salad sandwich, so by comparison, this is ridiculous and needs to stop. Did I mention I visit this place at least three to four times per week?! I normally get the larger meals, which are over ten dollars. Ten dollars for a near uselesss meal is pretty bad.

I. Am. Tired. Constantly. I feel slighlty refreshed today because I had a lot of sleep yesterday afternoon, I had a looovely nap which felt more like a coma, and then woke up around tea time, and then got to bed at my normal time again. So, I woke up feeling good for the first time in a long time, I need that extra sleep and I don’t give it to myself. But, my diet has me lethargic, weak and demotivated a  lot of the time. I can guzzle a coke or two and then perk up for awhile, but that inevitable crash is always around the corner.

If I were eating better, I could probably justify exercising. Right now I just think to myself that there isn’t much point in taking vitamins or getting active, because the foods I eat don’t really support those actions. If I start to change the diet, the other acts will follow. Boyfriend wants to get into some running…I am not much of a runner but I will gasp and flail my arms around trying to catch up with him. I’m supportive like that. (lol) He keeps mentioning that I need to buy running shoes, which will be happening very soon, a good pair is very expensive…you know boyfriend, my birthday IS coming up…(21 sleeps, but who is counting?!)

While investigating and researching, as I do very frequently, I discovered this blog post which pretty much sums it all up for me and I found it pretty inspiring. I am always on the look out for blogs, articles, books or anything out there that can teach me a thing or two. Bonne Sante is also a great blog to check out. I’ve always loved reading about food and healthy eating, ironically.

I’m a slow mover, but drinking more water and less Coke is the first point of focus. It’s not much but i’m doing what I am capable of, for now. I will include my goals with a goal post, when I finally figure out what they are! I need assistance with this. How can I measure such goals, what is a good, realistic but acceptable goal? Something that really counts, instead of the whole extra water bottle thing. I need to get started on this. It’s going to happen!